Grace and Courtesy: The Beginnings of a Peaceful Community

By Lindy Rivera, Traditional Primary Teacher

As we begin our second month of school, there are glimmers of a graceful and courteous community forming among the children.  There are moments in which I stop from my note taking or lesson giving, observe the environment and think, “Wow this is what it’s all about!”  I have been out of the Montessori classroom for a little over a year. As I started the year, I wondered what it would be like to enter into the classroom again, especially with a one-year-old at home! Would I have enough energy for both home and school? The answer has been a resounding “Yes!” and I believe it has a lot to do with the way the Montessori Method provides children with an environment that is so perfectly prepared for them.

The start of a new school year is always challenging, there are new relationships forming, old ones being renewed, and social interactions every moment of the day.  How does one learn to navigate how to sit for a lesson, get your own snack, walk around rugs, observe someone’s work without interrupting and manage your emotions after a disagreement with a friend?

Grace and Courtesy lessons are the foundation upon which children learn to navigate these circumstances in the Montessori classroom. The word Grace is defined as simple elegance or refinement of movement and Courtesy is defined as the showing of politeness in one's attitude and behavior toward others.  These lessons are done at a neutral time, and they have an element of playfulness to them. The teacher gathers a small group and say, “I’m going to pretend I’m walking across the classroom, but Nehemiah is blocking my way. Listen to what I say to him when he is blocking my way.” The teacher acts out what she would say, “Excuse me, Nehemiah. Can I pass through?” Often times, the children are eager to act it out, too! Thus, they practice the skills that not only help them create a peaceful, respectful community in the classroom, but also practice skills necessary for life outside of school.

As Montessori guides, we are trained in observation and figuring out when there is a need for a Grace and Courtesy lesson; at the beginning of the school year there is a need for many of these lessons simply to regroup and recenter the community of children. Practicing little things like knocking on the bathroom door before entering, waiting behind someone at the sink for water, or making way for someone carrying a large puzzle map go a long way toward helping the children to create a peaceful community. And those skills (and reminder Grace and Courtesy lessons) are practiced again and again throughout the year.

The first few days of school with just the returning children we practiced many of the grace and courtesy lessons that would be both helpful for them to remember, and we practiced ways they could share those lessons with new children.  So frequently,  there are moments when an older child takes it upon themselves to gently guide a younger one in the ways of the classroom.  

When we do Grace and Courtesy lessons, we often try to balance the small groups with both older children who have already practiced the skills and younger children who are just learning. Often those older children are the ones helping the teacher to demonstrate those skills! (If you get Transparent Classroom updates that your child had a Grace and Courtesy lesson on something like Walking Across the Classroom, it doesn’t mean your child is sprinting around the room all day! They might be the child we’re using to help us demonstrate how to walk across the classroom!)

Several weeks ago, a large group of prospective parents came on a tour through the room for the first time this year. It was evident that the Montessori classroom is a special kind of place where the tools are given to navigate such social situations.

Faced with this rather large group of adults appearing in  their classroom, I heard a few children talking amongst themselves about how “that’s a whole lot of grown ups!” and continue about their work.  I also had a lovely conversation with one of the youngest children in our class when she, too, noticed the group.  She seemed surprised to see so many people in our classroom, but was not upset by it.  She simply wanted to know more, so I explained to her why they were there and reminded her that if she was interested she could welcome them to our classroom as we had practiced in the past during a Grace and Courtesy lesson.  She was very delighted at the thought of this, but also a bit hesitant.  She continued to observe the group from a distance with a smile on her face.  

As observations approach and we welcome you into our classrooms, we hope that you are able to see moments of children refining movements and even other moments of children being kind and respectful of one another, just remember, we are all a work in progress!