How was school?

On the 3^rd week of this month, I started calling the parents of the new children in my class to give them an update on how their child is doing in their new environment. I know parents are delighted to hear stories about their child’s life in school. They like to hear anecdotes about their child’s ability to navigate their new classroom, learn new things, and establish friendships with their classmates. Oftentimes they hear these stories during parent-teacher conferences, or through a phone call for a check-in. However, I know parents really like to hear stories from their own child, too. And every now and then, a parent asks me, “Ms. Nieva, how can I make my child tell me about school?”  

Oftentimes, I hear parents ask their children, “How’s school?” While some parents can get a good anecdotal answer from their child, others do not. What these parents often receive from their child is a one-word response of, ‘fine’ or, ‘okay’.  The experience of receiving a one-word response is also familiar to me. Every morning when I shake the children’s hands, I try to find out what kind of weekend or after school time they had. Experience has taught me that knowing the child, knowing my goal in asking them a question, and knowing how much time I have to listen, help me formulate the right question.

Knowing the child is important because, while some children are talkative and share freely, many children need clue words in the question to figure out what to share. Here are some questions I have asked the children instead of, “How are you?”

• You looked energized, what did you do differently this morning?
• There are creases in your forehead and you look upset. What happened?
• How did you get that big scratch on your face?

And sometimes children need to hear somebody tell their story before they are able to tell their own. Talking about your day can inspire your children to share about theirs.

Time should also be a guide, both yours and theirs.  If they are coming out of school and anxious to play on the playground, they are not likely to give you a long answer.  But around the dinner table, or at bedtime, they may be more relaxed and able to talk.  Similarly, they are able to sense when you have time to listen.  So if they know you are in a hurry, they may give you a shorter answer.

One family I know goes around the table at dinner each night, each person taking a turn at sharing roses and thorns, that is, one good thing and one bad thing from their day.  Having a regular time for sharing, and creating a space where each child knows that it’s their time to share and be heard, can encourage more sharing.  And even if their roses and thorns are short, they provide you with some information that you can circle back to saying for example,  “Tell me more about why recess was bad today?” or “I wonder what it was like for you to give your presentation in front of the class?”

Children, like all other people, like to tell their story. They are generous with their story sharing when they feel that they are being heard and when they get a good response, be it a pause and a gesture of acknowledgement or whatever seems to be appropriate.